


Split Second

by angelofthequeers



Series: Season 12 codas and fix-its [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Asshole Lucifer, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Mary, Blow Jobs, Character Death, Coda, Crying Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Crying During Sex, Dean Has Issues, Dean Uses Actual Words, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Sex, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Face-Fucking, Flashbacks, Fluff, Grace Kink, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I can't even, I hate him so much right now, I refuse - Freeform, I'M FIXING IT, Kelly isn't actually alive in this but still, Kissing, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Multiple Orgasms, Nephilim, Rough Kissing, Smut, it all hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:46:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/pseuds/angelofthequeers
Summary: In that crucial split second, Cas moves out of the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> I. Am. Deceased. I refuse. If Cas doesn’t come back, I am not watching. I promised my friends I’d make it right, so I’m fucking making it right.
> 
> Anyway, I believe that Jack isn’t necessarily bad. Creepy, yeah, but I don’t think he’s evil just because his daddy is. So I’m giving him a chance.
> 
> SMUTTY PART 2 COMING NEXT, JUST SLEEP-DEPRIVED AND DESPERATE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.

 

“Cas!” Sam’s voice is full of relief when Cas returns through the portal; relief that’s currently coursing through Dean’s entire body at the sight of his angel, safe and sound. Does that mean that Lucifer’s dead? Probably not. The son of a bitch never actually stays down. He’s probably just pissed, but at least he’s stuck in the other dimension, through the portal that should close any second now…

Wait –

“Cas! Get outta the way!” Dean yells. Cas shoots him a puzzled look but, as the portal starts to flare up, his eyes widen in understanding and he dives to the side, just in time to avoid the angel blade that would’ve plunged into his back had he still been standing there. Dean’s nearly sick with gratitude that Cas had listened to him and freaking moved, though his traitorous brain can’t help but conjure up images of Cas being a split second too late and lighting up with holy white light, then crumpling to the ground.

He shakes his head to clear those thoughts. Now is _not_ the time for gratuitous self-destruction.

“Dang,” Lucifer sighs with a childish pout. “And I was so close, too. Just a second earlier and I would’ve been rid of this annoying thorn in my side.” In the blink of an eye, he’s crouching down to grab Cas by the front of his shirt, leaning in with a snarl. “This annoying, stupid, pitiful, whiny bitch who can’t score the bestie he’s totes in love with even after confessing his undying love. How tragic.”

Dean swallows hard. It’s no secret that Cas is in love with him – it hasn’t been since he’d let slip with those words after Ramiel – but he hasn’t had the guts to suck it up and talk to Cas about it, and the thought that Cas could’ve just died without ever knowing that he _is_ loved nearly breaks Dean’s heart.

“Cas, that’s not true.” His voice breaks, but the resolve is still there. “Don’t listen to that asshole.”

“Don’t listen to that asshole!” Lucifer mimics. Smirking, he starts to raise Cas’ angel blade, but Cas has clearly had enough; with a growl, he jabs his knee into Lucifer’s crotch, then pulls out of Lucifer’s grip when the archangel doubles over in agony. Dean wants to laugh as Cas crosses over to his side, but he’s honestly too shocked to make a sound.

“You’re gonna pay, Castiel.” Lucifer straightens up, his eyes glowing red. “I was gonna make it quick for you. Y’know, to thank you for letting me use your meat for a year. But now it’s gonna be _slow_.”

Tightening his grip on the blade, Lucifer takes a step forward. Dean automatically takes a step back with Sam and Cas.

“First, I’ll off Sammy here. I’ll be nice and end him quickly, since we had such _good_ times together downstairs and he _did_ pay me a conjugal visit. Then I’ll take Deanie apart nice and slow – let you hear his screams as I skin him alive and violate him in every way imaginable, then destroy him cell by cell. You’ll be begging me to stop, Castiel. You’ll be sniffling and pleading to do anything to get me to stop hurting your pathetic human. But I’ll just laugh and take it even _slower_. And then, once there’s nothing left of Dean but a bloody smear, I’ll finally kill you and then go and see my son. Poor Kelly Kline should be just about done right now; such a pity she won’t get to see what she helped me to create.”

Lucifer’s lips curve into a cruel smile. Unconsciously, Dean reaches out to grab Cas’ hand, and his heart swoops when Cas squeezes back.

“I really hate you, Castiel,” Lucifer says softly, his voice dripping with contempt. Dean wants to shudder at how Lucifer’s playfulness has now been replaced with malice, but there’s no way in hell he’s gonna show any weakness in front of the Devil. “Oh, I hate you so very much. Having to bunk with you – after I exploded you way back, mind you! – and put up with your constant moaning about Dean, Dean, Dean? That was bad enough. But you just won’t stop being a thorn in my fucking side, will you? I’m going to _celebrate_ when I finally get to watch the life drain from your eyes.”

Dean shoots a sideways look at Cas, whose face is a mask of steel. But Dean also knows his angel well enough to know that Lucifer’s words are absolutely crushing the poor guy. How the hell do you deal with someone describing how much they hate you, even if it _is_ the Devil doing the talking? Especially when you’re already convinced that all your other brothers and sisters hate you.

“Enough games. Say goodbye, Sammy.”

Sam takes another step back as Lucifer turns on him and starts to approach him. Before he can get within stabbing distance, though –

“Get away from them,” a voice snarls. Sam, Dean, and Cas turn to see Mary striding towards them, her face practically made of stone. Lucifer looks simply delighted – probably at having another person to torture and kill, Dean thinks.

“Mary, right?” Lucifer says. “Yeah, I’ve heard about you. You’re, uh…certainly living up to the hype.”

He purrs like a cat and swipes the air in front of him. Dean wants to snort when Mary looks Absolutely Unimpressed.

“Look, I just wanted to say thank you for everything,” Lucifer continues. “Really. I owe you, kid.”

A look of fury on her face, Mary starts to storm up to Lucifer, but Sam holds her back.

“Mom, Mom, Mom,” he murmurs warningly. Mary just shrugs his hand off her arm.

“I love you,” she says, looking from him to Dean. Dean’s heart suddenly constricts in his chest as he realises in that moment that this might be the last he’s gonna see of Mary. Oddly enough, it doesn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. It still hurts like a son of a bitch, but that talk he’d given Mary in her head had been exactly what he’d needed to say, and now it doesn’t feel like there’s an air of unfinished business between them.

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when Mary just straight up punches Lucifer across the face. Sam’s eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, while Dean exchanges an alarmed look with Cas. He isn’t sure how Mary’s punch had such an effect, until he catches sight of the brass knuckles she’s wearing; the same ones that the British assholes used to punch the shit out of Cas. Huh.

“Cute,” Lucifer remarks, gingerly touching his split lip. “That all you got, Momma?”

In response, Mary starts to rain a barrage of punches on Lucifer, hitting the absolute shit out of him until he drops Cas’ blade and Dean’s wincing at her ferocity. She successfully pushes him further and further back towards the portal…but, just as it looks like they’re about to succeed, Lucifer’s arm darts out and snags her by the jacket, and they both go tumbling into the portal in a way that horrifically reminds Dean of Samifer and Adamichael taking a swan dive into Hell.

“No!” Dean bolts for the portal desperately, Sam hot on his heels, but they’re too late; they reach the spot where it was just as it vanishes. The two of them circle around where it was, almost as though this’ll bring it back, but nothing happens. “No, no, no, no! Mom!”

They remain standing there in silence, Dean attempting to process everything that’s happened tonight. They invaded the Brits and lost several hunters, Walt and Roy included – no fond memories, but they _had_ been familiar faces. Rowena’s dead. Crowley’s dead. Cas was a bee’s dick from death. Kelly’s gonna be dead soon enough, if she isn’t already. And now Mary’s gone, stuck in an alternate dimension that she’ll probably never get out of. Will her soul go to Heaven if she dies there? Or is she doomed to be forever separated from them now?

Not that he and Sam can talk, really. They’ve already been sentenced to the Empty when they die again, and he’s not so sure that Billie kicking the bucket will do anything to stop that.

After what feels like an eternity, a hand slips into Dean’s. He jumps, then relaxes when he realises that it’s only Cas. Sympathy’s written all over the guy’s face and if this was anyone else, Dean would bristle and pull away; but it’s Cas, and nobody apart from Sam gets him like the guy he’s freaking in love with.

“Guys,” Sam says softly, breaking the silence. He nods at the window of the house, and Dean inhales sharply when he sees that it’s glowing gold.

“Jack must have been born,” Cas says. His mouth downturns. “Which means that Kelly is dead.”

“I’ll go check on him,” Sam volunteers. However, Cas throws out an arm to stop him.

“I think it would be best if I went,” Cas says. “He knows me. I was chosen to be his protector, and I will uphold my promise to Kelly until the day I die.”

“Cas –”

“He’s just an innocent child, Dean!” Cas’ blue eyes blaze as he turns on Dean, who desperately tries not to pop a boner at how fucking sexy Cas is at the moment because this is a Very Serious situation. “He has no mother, and his father is evil and trapped in another dimension. I promised I’d be there for him. He chose me. I have to do this.”

Deep down, Dean knows Cas is right. If they want to stop this nephil from turning out like his dad, then taking care of him is their best bet right now. Besides, the fact that Cas is so determined to help an innocent child like this, and in that moment he falls even deeper in love with the angel glaring daggers at him.

“You’re right, Cas.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “Just gotta be careful, okay? We don’t know what he’s capable of. Sam and I’ll come with you.”

After a moment of staring at Dean with his piercing gaze, Cas finally nods, then turns and strides up towards the house. Sam and Dean hurry to keep up with him, and there’s an almost eerie atmosphere hanging over them as they enter the building. If Dean didn’t know that Kelly was dead, he’d have guessed it just from the air around them.

Sure enough, when they enter the master bedroom, Kelly’s lying on the bed, looking almost serene in her white nightgown with her hands folded over her stomach. The only thing that ruins the illusion is her eyes, which are wide open and blank in death. Sneaking a glance sideways, Dean notices that Cas looks about two seconds away from busting out a eulogy over Kelly’s body, so he reaches out and takes Cas’ hand for the second time that day. To his surprise, Cas pulls his hand free, but then steps towards him and curls into his side, head resting on his chest. All Dean can do is carefully raise his arms and loosely encircle Cas.

“Here.” Sam steps up to Kelly and gently brushes a hand over her eyelids, closing them. Now she just looks like she’s sleeping, her lips curved in a faint smile, and Dean’s heart breaks for yet another mother who won’t get to know her child and another child who’ll grow up without a mother. But Jack isn’t alone. He’s got Cas – and, by extension, Sam and Dean. Dean’s vent at Mary has made him see that he has to be there for Jack, to make sure that another kid doesn’t grow up with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Thank you, Sam,” Cas says softly. “I…I loved her. Not romantically, but I loved her. It pains me that she will never know how her son will grow up.”

“Well, we’re gonna make sure that he’s a son she’d be proud of,” Dean says firmly, though the effect is slightly ruined by his hoarse voice. The grateful smile that Cas shoots him makes it all worthwhile, and he’s leaning down and brushing his lips across Cas’ in a sweet kiss before he can think about just what he’s doing. The kiss is chaste and brief, lasting only for a moment, but it’s enough; Cas’ arms crush him in a tight hug as he buries his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and they stand there for at least a few minutes, Sam watching with an odd look on his face that Dean hopes is ‘I wanna tease the shit out of them’ and not ‘eww, this is gross’. Of course it wouldn’t be the latter. Dean’s fucked up so many times, yet Sam still sees him as a hero; he wouldn’t think that Dean’s gross just for falling in love with a guy.

Though technically, Cas isn’t really a guy so much as a genderless wave of light. But meh, semantics.

“Uh, guys?” For the second time that night, Sam breaks up a Tender Gay Moment. Dean’s ready to snap at him, until his eyes follow where Sam’s pointing and lock on a bloody, adult-sized footprint.

What the fuck?

“C’mon,” Dean murmurs. Cas pulls away, though he immediately takes Dean’s hand like he’ll be in agony if he’s not touching any part of Dean, and the three of them carefully creep out of the room as they follow the bloody trail of footprints to the nursery.

Okay, now this is getting freaking weird.

The nursery is dark, illuminated only by moonlight, and so it takes a moment before Dean notices the dark lump huddled in the corner. A sharp intake of breath lets him know that Sam’s also seen it.

“I don’t believe it…” Cas whispers. Dean’s mouth drops when the lump moves, revealing itself to be a young man huddled into a ball, and pale eyes lock on them as the man’s head rises. The next moment, his eyes glow bright gold – the same gold that Cas’ had gone when the kid had smoked Dagon through him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> Smut will be next chapter! I just felt like this was the best place to leave this chapter, and I’m writing chapter 3 as we speak.
> 
> Also, the flashbacks might seem to drag on, but this is stuff Dean needs to come to terms with. The finale was all about him coming to terms and I wanted to continue that.
> 
> (I should be doing my essay…buuuuut I finished one yesterday, so I can take a break to write sweet smut before starting this one).
> 
> Thanks to Universcendum, Slsheeba567, mertmidnightangel, bluefallenfandomwallflowers and LokiNeedsHugs1031 for your comments :)

 

“Uh…Jack?” Dean says carefully. Jack’s eyes instantly fix on him and he tilts his head curiously, in a manner eerily reminiscent of Cas when he’s confused about some pop culture reference. Dean tries again. “Jack? That’s your name, right?”

Jack doesn’t say anything. Can he even speak English? Dean’s never dealt with nephilim before, so for all he knows Jack doesn’t know a lick of English. That’s why he’s surprised when Jack opens his mouth and produces a hoarse but melodic flow of syllables.

“The fuck?” Dean mutters to Sam. He jumps slightly when Cas lets go of his hand and takes a step towards Jack, then says something back in that melodic language that Dean’s now pretty sure is Enochian. Huh. So the kid doesn’t know anything except angel language.

“What’s he saying?” Sam says to Cas. Cas holds up a hand, then gestures to Sam and Dean and says something to Jack, who surveys them for a long moment.

“He wanted to know who you were,” Cas says. “He recognised me, as he felt my essence from Kelly’s womb when he chose me as his protector. But he’s wary of everything else, so you may want to be careful. I introduced you as my brothers. People he can trust.”

Dean’s slightly disappointed that he’s been relegated to the role of ‘brother’, but he supposes that this is fair payback for all the times he’s pulled the brother line on Cas.

“You’re more than a brother, Dean.” Cas correctly interprets the look on Dean’s face. “But Enochian is a complicated, yet simplistic language. Brother was the best I could do so as not to overwhelm him.”

Okay, that makes Dean feel slightly better. Cas turns back to Jack and says something else while taking Dean’s hand again, and Jack’s eyes immediately lock on their joined hands before he says something in reply. Cas nods, a faint smile gracing his lips, then says something else; and finally, Jack gives them a cautious smile.

“I think I successfully communicated how much you mean to me,” Cas says, squeezing Dean’s hand. “It’s rather difficult to communicate with Jack in Enochian as many of our subtleties come from our body language – which I can’t read from him, as he doesn’t possess a typically angelic true form. And he doesn’t inherently know how to read angelic body language.”

Before he can say anything else, Jack holds out a hand. Cas goes to take it, but Jack retracts his hand and then holds it out again to Dean, who blinks in surprise.

“Uh…can I?” he says. Sam shrugs, while Cas examines Jack with his piercing stare.

“He shouldn’t hurt you,” Cas says after a moment. “Not unless you possess any ill-will towards him.”

“Which I don’t,” Dean says with conviction. He’s surprised at how much he’s done a one eighty on the whole nephilim issue, but he can sympathise with Jack. The poor guy didn’t ask to be born in a world that would treat him like a freak if it knew he existed, not to mention having a mom who croaked before he could even talk to her and a dad who wants to use him as a tool of mass destruction but is trapped in another dimension.

With Mary. Shit. Dean’s heart constricts in his chest. He’s been trying not to think about losing his mom so soon after agreeing to start over, but he can’t suppress it like he usually would. Not after finally letting all of his emotions go when yelling at her.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice breaks Dean out of his thoughts, and he realises that he’s being stared at by Sam, Cas, and Jack.

“Sorry,” he says, clearing his throat. “Just…lost in thought.”

 He carefully approaches Jack, his arm outstretched, and when he’s within touching distance, Jack reaches out and grabs it. Golden veins shoot from Jack’s hand up Dean’s arm and, before Dean can react, his life is flashing before his eyes.

Comforting Mary when John walks out.

_“Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Now, Dean!”_

Five year old Dean sitting silently, holding Sammy. John paces around in frustration. _“Why won’t you talk to me, Dean?”_

Kid Sam holds out the amulet. _“Dad lied to me. I want you to have it.”_

Dean watching Sam playing in the car from the steps of Sonny’s home.

Teenage Dean walking down the school corridor. Everyone thinks he’s cool. But he’s only got eyes for Sammy.

_“Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days.”_

Azazel torturing the shit out of Dean while Sam yells.

Sam’s dead. Dean’s dead inside.

Dean makes a deal to save him.

Hellhound.

Hell. Pain. Blood. Hooks. Knives. Torture.

Buried alive. But _alive_.

_“I’m an angel of the Lord.”_

Torturing Alastair. He’s a monster. Look what he’s become.

Cas rebelling for him. For _him_.

Cas got the shit smote out of him.

Wait, he’s alive.

Sam and Dean going their separate ways. That trust is gone after Ruby.

_“I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it – all of it – for you, Dean.”_

Lucifer in Sam’s body, exploding Cas and killing Bobby.

_“Sam, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you. I’m not gonna leave you.”_

Sam and Adam falling into Hell.

Cas is back.

Now he’s gone. He always leaves.

Sam’s alive.

But it’s not him. He’s soulless.

Wait. He has his soul back. And a wall.

The wall’s broken. Cas is God. Cas doesn’t know him.

_“I’m going to find some way to redeem myself to you.”_

Cas is dead. Exploded in the lake.

Gone.

He’s gone. Again.

He’s back. He doesn’t know Dean.

Now he does. But now he’s got Sam’s crazy.

_“I’d rather have you. Cursed or not.”_

Purgatory. Cas left him again. He’s always leaving.

They’re getting out. But Dean lets go. Wait, that’s not right. Cas is the one who lets go.

He left again.

It’s Sam. He’s surprised to see Dean. Dean’s overjoyed to see his brother again.

Cas is back. Again. Dean realises: he loves Cas.

He’s in love with Cas.

Cas keeps zapping off. Something’s wrong. Dean turns a blind eye. Cas is back.

_“You’re family. We need you…I need you.”_

Cas was brainwashed. Dean ignored it. But he loves Cas.

God, he loves him.

Cas is back. Again. Dean’s furious. But he’s relieved.

And Cas is gone again. Then he’s back and asking for help.

_“Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever!”_

Sam collapses. He’s dying. Dean drags him outside.

Now the angels are falling. Is Cas okay?

Gadreel possesses Sam. Dean’s sick to his stomach. But it’s necessary. He won’t let Sam die.

Cas is okay. But he’s human.

Cas is dead. Stabbed by the reaper. Dean’s heart has been shattered into a million pieces.

He loves Cas so fucking much.

Gadreel heals Cas.

But now Cas has to leave. Dean doesn’t want to boot him. But Sam.

He has the Mark of Cain. Rage. Bloodthirst.

Abaddon’s dead. Dean wants to keep killing. To destroy every cell in her body, then more.

Cas gives up an entire army for him. What the hell?

Metatron stabbed him. He’s dying. He doesn’t care.

He’s back. But he’s not human. He’s empty.

Now he’s human again.

Charlie’s dead. It’s Sam’s fault. But Sam was trying to help him. But it’s all Sam’s fault.

He beats the shit out of Cas. He can’t stop. He’s just so angry at him. But he loves him.

And now he can’t stop seeing Cas’ bloody, broken face everywhere.

The Mark is gone. Death is dead. Amara’s free.

Cas is enchanted. They break the curse. God, Dean loves him.

Now he’s pissed at Cas. He gets it. Cas is broken. So is he. He should have been there for Cas.

Amara wants him. He’s powerless to resist. He’s never been so terrified in all his life.

Cas is gone. It’s Lucifer now. Why would Cas say yes? Why wasn’t Dean there for him?

Cas is gone.

Cas is gone.

He doesn’t want to fight. He wants to let Lucifer use him. Dean’s pleading. But Cas won’t listen.

Amara appears in the bunker. She shows him Lucifer. But all Dean sees is Cas’ bloody face.

Lucifer’s finally gone. Cas is back. But Dean still won’t say it.

_“You’re our brother, Cas.”_

But that’s not true. He’s more.

Mary’s back. She’s confused. Of course she is. She was dead for three decades.

Cas is so relieved to see him alive again. He hugs Dean. Dean doesn’t deserve this. He’s put Cas through enough.

They rescue Sam. He looks like death warmed over. Dean wants to destroy Lady Bitchface for what she’s done to him.

Cas is gone again. Trying to fix his mess. Dean just wants to wrap him in a tight hug and never let go.

_“I won't let any of you die. And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me, to everything.”_

He and Cas are pissed at each other. Angry husbands, Sam called them. He just fucking wants Cas to be safe. But Cas wants the same for him. It’ll never work out.

He should banish Ishim. He’s gonna die. But it could kill Cas. He won’t gamble with Cas’ life like that.

Cas left again. Dean isn’t surprised. But it still hurts.

Cas is dying. Dissolving into black sludge.

_“Knowing you…it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that – the things we’ve shared together…they’ve changed me. You’re my family. I love you.”_

Dean can’t handle this. Cas loves him. It’s too late.

But he’s alive. Crowley saved him. Now Dean’s going to pretend that nothing happened.

And Cas is gone again. Trying to find Kelly. Won’t answer his phone. Later, he says he was in Heaven. Dean can’t help feeling betrayed.

They find Dagon. Kelly’s kid possesses Cas. He kills the demon. But he’s not himself. He knocks Dean out.

He’s gone. He always leaves.

But he _always_ comes back.

With a gasp, Dean wrenches away from Jack, his head swimming. He’s almost floating, trapped in a surreal world after having just relived his whole life, and he’s not grounded until Cas takes him firmly by the hand and says, “Dean?”

“The hell?” Dean snaps at Jack, rubbing his head. “What’d you make me relive my greatest hits for?”

Jack stares at him, head cocked to the side. Then, after a moment, he opens his mouth and surprises them all.

“I…wanted to know you.” His English is slightly stilted, but he sounds like he’s been speaking it his whole life. “Castiel trusts you. I wanted to see why. And I wanted to learn your language.”

Dean just groans, sagging against Cas. He’s pretty sure that Jack is just a newbie at using his powers, or else he wouldn’t have gone so OP and left Dean feeling drained.

“You freaking Starfire’d me,” he mutters.

“I don’t understand that reference,” Cas says. Dean snorts and wraps his arms around Cas, nuzzling into the angel’s collar. He’ll blame Jack’s mojo until his dying day, claim that the kid mind-whammied him too much, but he’s totally in his right mind as he snuggles against Cas like some overly affectionate kitten.

When he looks over at Sam, who’s been oddly silent, he sees that Jack has Sam by the hand now and Sam’s eyes are glowing an eerie gold. If Dean hadn’t just been subjected to that then he’d have punched Jack for daring to mess with his brother; but Jack isn’t trying to hurt Sam, so Dean just lets himself continue to cling to Cas under the pretence of recovering.

“You’re not fooling anybody, Dean,” Cas murmurs in amusement. Dean grunts and pulls away, his cheeks heating up rapidly, but Cas grabs him by the arms and pulls him back in. “I didn’t say you could stop.”

“Fuck you,” Dean mumbles, resting his forehead against Cas’ neck.

“Wow…” Sam exhales when Jack lets go of him and the gold light fades. His eyes are suspiciously wet, and Dean would ask if he’s okay if he hadn’t just had to relive his life too. Some things just need to be processed alone.

“We should go,” Cas says. “It won’t be long before angels and demons start to appear to investigate. Jack’s birth wasn’t exactly…subdued.”

“What about Kelly?” Sam says. “We can’t just leave her here. She deserves better.”

Before anyone can speak, Jack’s taking off in the direction of the master bedroom, though he’s a little wobbly as though he hasn’t walked in years. Which is understandable; he _was_ just born. As Dean goes to follow Cas and Sam, his eyes land on a USB stick on the table and he quickly scoops it up before leaving the room. He doesn’t know what the hell it is, but there’s no sense in leaving it for any assholes to find.

When he reaches the master bedroom and draws level with Sam and Cas, who are standing at the foot of the bed, he sees that Jack’s standing next to Kelly’s body, peering down at her with an odd look on his face.

“She was my…mother?” he says slowly.

“Yes.” Cas’ voice hitches slightly. “She loved you, Jack. She knew that she wouldn’t live to see you, but she didn’t care. She just wanted you to be alive and happy.”

Jack examines Kelly for a little while longer. Then he reaches out to rest a hand on her forehead and, a moment later, her whole body just disintegrates into ash and it’s like she was never there.

“I would have given her a…hunter’s funeral.” Jack sounds conflicted, and Dean suspects this is because the guy knows he should love the woman he just dusted but doesn’t know her well enough. “I saw it in your memories. A mark of respect. But…”

“No time,” Sam agrees. “It’s okay, Jack. She’d get it.”

“I do feel something for her,” Jack continues, pale eyes fixed on the bed. “She nurtured me. Protected me. I remember her singing to me when I was in her womb, and telling me that she loved me. But I…”

“Didn’t know her?” Damn, Sam’s got this covered. “I know. I didn’t really know my mother either when she died. But I still felt something for her. I still do.”

Dean just _loves_ how Sam’s acting like Mary never came back. Or maybe he’s just trying to empathise with Jack. It’s still too raw to tell.

“We should go.” Abruptly, Jack turns on his heel and makes for the door.

“He’ll be okay,” Sam says with a small, pained smile at Dean and Cas. “We’ll all be.”

“Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?” Dean mutters, but he follows Sam and Cas out of the room with one last glance back at the ash-covered bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> HERE IS YOUR SMUT AS PROMISED FAM
> 
> Thanks to LokiNeedsHugs1031, JeannieXCBronze, mertmidnightangel, Secret_Wendigo, Slsheeba567, Azrael_Abbadon and GodLikesBoysToo for your comments :)

 

Dean’s surprised when Sam offers to give up his treasured shotgun seat for Cas, and disappointed when Cas turns him down and instead sits in the back with Jack. He does get Cas’ reasoning, though; Jack’s probably confused and processing a billion things at once, and he’ll probably be more comfortable next to the guy he already knew before even being born.

Doesn’t mean that Dean doesn’t want Cas next to him so that he can…ahem, observe him.

So instead, as they drive back home, he observes Jack in his mirror. The guy looks like he’s in his late teens or early twenties, with pale brown hair and bright blue eyes – hell, he’s the spitting image of Kelly, and this only serves as pain fuel for Dean’s insides. He’s got none of his father’s looks – at least, his dad’s vessel’s looks. Dean’s not sure how Lucifer affected the kid’s soul slash true form.

At the thought of Kelly, Dean suddenly remembers.

“Here.” He pulls the USB stick out of his pocket and tosses it carefully into the back seat for Jack to catch. Jack examines it with a frown. “Found that in your nursery. I’m thinking it might be something your mom did, ‘cause it was the most twenty first century thing in that place.”

“Thank you,” Jack says quietly, still staring at the stick. He spends the whole drive back to the bunker just fiddling with it, while Cas watches him with an odd, fond look, and Dean swears that if Cas starts mother henning when they get back, he’s going to take a long drive off a cliff.

It’s almost too quiet as they pull into the bunker’s garage. Even though they had cleaned up Ketch and Bevell’s bodies and scrubbed out all of the blood, the air of death can still be felt pushing down on them, and they’re a subdued bunch as Dean locks Baby up and lets them into the main bunker.

“Just don’t touch anything,” he says, jabbing a finger at Jack. “We still haven’t found everything in this place. Don’t want you to accidentally set off another wicked witch or something.”

Jack pauses for a moment, brow furrowed, and then a tiny smile graces his lips.

“The Wicked Witch. Yes, I remember seeing that in your mind. And I also saw that girl –”

“Sam, can you go fix him a room or something?” Dean interrupts. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings – because he actually does for once, just not with Nephil Kid – but he just really doesn’t want to talk about Charlie. Not after everyone around them died tonight.

“Sure. This way, Jack.”

Sam reaches out a cautious hand, then rests it on Jack’s shoulder when the guy doesn’t protest. Jack allows himself to be led off, leaving Dean and Cas in silence. Dean shuffles nervously. He’s gonna be forced to have a conversation – it’s just a matter of who decides to quit being chicken first.

Turns out that it’s Cas.

“Dean –”

“Not here,” Dean cuts across. “Not here.”

Cas lets Dean take him by the hand and he follows Dean down the hall. It’s not long enough before they’re standing outside Dean’s door, and Dean fumbles with the doorknob as though this’ll be enough to put off the conversation that he both does want and doesn’t want to have, but he eventually has to stop being an idiot and actually open the door. Closing the door behind them feels like signing his own death warrant, but it also feels like a miracle.

“Uh…so.” Dean’s mouth is suddenly dry but his palms are sweaty, so he rubs them on his jeans. Cas just continues to study Dean’s face.

“I’m not sure what more there is to talk about,” the angel finally says. “You know that I love you. And I now know that you love me back. Talking about it just feels like delaying the inevitable even more.”

Dean shrugs, but he has to say this next bit. He’s still high on finally standing up to Mary and he can’t get enough of actually being allowed to express his emotions; hell, if John was here, Dean would have a go at him too.

“Jack showed me my whole life,” he says quietly. “Well, I don’t think he showed me so much as read it with me along for the ride. But…Cas, I saw a lot of you. You’re one of the most important people in my life, up there with Sam.”

“Dean, if you –”

“We need to talk about this, Cas,” Dean interrupts. “We need to talk about this because you always leave me. That’s one of the things I saw over and over. You kept leaving me. Then you came back, but you left me again. And I can’t – I can’t do this if you’re gonna leave me again.”

Cas opens his mouth, then closes it. Gratitude fills Dean at this action.

“I had to go inside Mom’s head to bring her back,” he continues. “And I lost it at her. I – I told her I hated her, but I also loved her. I got to actually…say how I was feeling. Without being forced into it, without being scared that I was gonna be judged and called a weak cry baby. So I’m gonna be straight with you. Yeah, I – I love you. I love you so fucking much, Cas. But I am _not_ gonna do this if you’re gonna fuck off again. I may not be worth much, but I deserve to at least be treated like a human being.”

“You’re wrong,” Cas says firmly as Dean pants after his speech, high on finally speaking his mind. “You’re worth so much. But you’re right about everything else. And I…I am so sorry for all the times I left you. Some of those times were out of my hands, yes, but there are other times where I wilfully left you. And I have no excuse for that. All I can do is apologise. I’m sorry, Dean. I never once meant to hurt you, not even when I deliberately left.”

That’s good. That’s really good. But there’s still a possibility of Cas leaving again. Dean’s not gonna let himself have this until Cas acknowledges this.

“And I promise that I will not leave you again so long as I can help it,” Cas goes on. “I can’t promise that I won’t ever leave you again, Dean. Such a promise would be an insult to you. But I can promise that I will try my very best not to leave you if I can help it – and that when I do, it is for a valid reason and I will talk to you about it if I can.”

That’s really all Dean’s after. There’s no way Cas can guarantee that he’ll never leave again, but it only hurts so much because he never talks to Dean about it – and when he does, it’s one-sided on his part. Dean wouldn’t mind half the stuff he does so much if he’d just damn well _talk_ about it. Same goes for Sam.

“Hmm.” Dean pretends to think. “Maybe a bit more than that. Get down on one knee? Confess your everlasting sorrow? Maybe then I’ll forgive you.”

His heart soars when Cas actually _laughs_. He can’t remember if he’s ever heard that sound before, outside of Lucifer using Cas’ vocal chords to laugh – but even then, that hadn’t really been Cas’ voice.

“You’re such an assbutt,” Cas says fondly. Now it’s Dean’s turn to laugh, because either Cas still hasn’t gotten the hang of human insults or he’s deliberately being Cas.

They stand there for a moment longer, almost as though they’re waiting for the other to make the first move again. This time, it’s Dean who cracks first; before his brain can catch up with his body, he’s grabbing Cas by the lapels of his stupid trench coat and pulling him to crush their lips together and oh god, it’s the best kiss in his whole life. Cas’ lips are warm and firm against his, and Dean greedily swallows the moan that escapes Cas’ mouth and answers with a groan of his own. It’s way too soon before they have to separate so that Dean can suck in a deep breath of air.

“Cas –”

“Dean, if you try to be a gentleman _right now_ , I will smite you. I don’t care if I’m not at full power.”

“I _was_ gonna tell you to lock the door so no one comes charging in. I’m the only one who gets to see your ass from now on, sunshine.”

Cas buries his face in Dean’s collar to muffle his laughter, then gestures at the door behind himself to flick the lock. Now certain that they won’t be interrupted, Dean shoves Cas up against the door and attacks his mouth furiously, while Cas’ hands trail down to cup Dean’s ass, then squeeze. Dean’s dick is definitely on board with that idea; it starts to awaken from its slumber, while Dean’s upstairs brain starts to fog over with lust.

Oh, hell yeah.

Cas squeezes his ass again, then groans into the kiss and pulls. Dean gets the idea and allows Cas to lift him, wrapping his legs around Cas’ waist, before Cas is turning them and slamming Dean into the door with a growl. Dean moans loudly, tangling his fingers in Cas’ dark, messy hair and yanking gently, and Cas seems to get off on hair-pulling because hot _damn_ , he nearly shoves his clothed, straining dick right through Dean’s hip.

If his angel is a kinky motherfucker, Dean can die a happy man.

“Bed,” he gasps when he pulls back for air. “Need you.”

Cas seems to agree, because he growls again and turns so that he can carry Dean over to the bed. Dean only has a moment’s respite when he’s dumped gently on the bed before Cas is on top of him, grinding their hips together as he plunges his tongue into Dean’s mouth and cups Dean’s face with both hands. This is the hottest fucking thing that’s ever happened in Dean’s life, and he’s pretty sure that he’s either dreaming or stuck in a djinn fantasy land because this feels way too good to be true.

When their kissing starts to grow even more heated, Dean finally gets it in his head that maybe they should remove some of their clothes. Or all of them, really. That would be the better option. So he tugs Cas’ trench coat down, and it gets bunched at Cas’ elbows but the angel just snarls and leans back to yank it off himself, along with his suit jacket. They then try to undress each other, but that goes about as well as expected; their arms keep getting tangled, and Dean’s fingers keep fumbling on Cas’ tiny buttons while Cas is trying in vain to get him to lean up in order to take his jacket and shirts off. Finally, they come to a silent agreement that this all might work out a little better if they undress themselves, so Cas leans back to deftly unbutton his shirt with slender fingers and Dean sits up to remove his three, possibly four shirt layers – he’s not too sure of the exact number through the lust fogging his brain.

“Oh, god,” Dean says breathlessly when they’re both shirtless and Cas is looming above him, eyes hooded and swollen lips slightly parted. He’s seen Cas shirtless before – it’s inevitable, really, when you’re a hunter – but he’s never had permission to actually look, and what he sees makes his insides soar and his dick sing joyfully. Cas isn’t bodybuilder ripped – hell, he doesn’t really have abs. His belly is soft but firm, and his nipples are pink and stiff, and Dean would love nothing more than to get his mouth on those pretty little buds.

So that’s what he does. Before Cas can do anything, Dean flips them and latches on to his left nipple. Cas moans loudly as Dean suckles and nips, and his fingers grip Dean’s short, spiky hair and hold his head there, which Dean honestly isn’t complaining too much about. All he cares about is the little nub in his mouth, which he eventually leaves slippery and red as he moves to the next nipple, Cas groaning and panting underneath him. All the while, his dick is rock hard and aching to be freed, but Dean’s not in any hurry to get off. He’s waited years for this; he can wait just a little longer.

Once he’s sucked Cas’ nipples into submission, he starts to leave a trail of wet kisses up the angel’s chest, then bites down on the meat between his neck and shoulder. Cas inhales sharply before gripping Dean’s hair even tighter as Dean soothes the bite with his tongue, then moves up Cas’ throat and leaves bite after bite in his wake. By the time he’s pulling back to survey his handiwork, Cas’ throat is covered in blooming hickeys and there’s no way he’ll be able to hide them unless he heals them, which Dean really hopes he doesn’t. It fills him with primal satisfaction to see Cas marked up like this.

“Dean,” Cas pants, eyelids fluttering open. Dean smiles tenderly and leans down to kiss him softly.

“You’re _mine_ ,” he murmurs against Cas’ lips. Cas moans quietly.

“Yes, Dean. _Yours_.”

There’s no actual ownership going on here, but the feeling of belonging to someone like this is indescribable and Dean can’t get enough of it. Cas seems to sense this, because he suddenly rolls them over and then it’s Dean’s turn to have his neck and chest marked up with bruises. By the time he reaches Dean’s nipples, Dean’s nearly out of his mind with lust and when Cas finally closes his mouth around one dusky peak, Dean lets out a sharp groan and ruts up against Cas’ thigh, shuddering at the heat that courses through him.

“You are so beautiful,” Cas murmurs when he’s finished playing with Dean’s nipples. Dean flushes right down to his chest.

“No need to go that far,” he complains, though he’s secretly revelling in this attention. Cas can clearly see right through his bullshit too, if the unimpressed look on the angel’s face is any indication, though at least he doesn’t directly call Dean out on being a big, fat liar. Instead, he kisses even lower, down Dean’s stomach – which is starting to pick up a hint of pudge, not that Cas seems to care – and to the waistband of his jeans, which nearly causes Dean’s mind to self-destruct because that is _way_ too close to his dick for him to stay sane.

“Need you, Cas,” he forces out. “Please.”

Cas looks at him like he’s seriously considering teasing the shit out of Dean, in which case Dean would have to punch the shit out of Cas. But thankfully, he decides that it’s in his best interests to get straight to it, so he unbuttons Dean’s jeans and pulls them down, letting out a noise of displeasure when he encounters two obstacles in the form of Dean’s boots.

“New rule,” Cas snarls, impatiently unlacing Dean’s boots and tugging them off, along with his jeans. “You are not allowed to wear clothes. Ever.”

Dean snorts.

“Might be a bit inappropriate around Sam,” he says as he lifts his hips so that Cas can pull down his boxer briefs, leaving him fully naked. “He’s seen enough of me to last a lifetime. And if I’m goin’ around naked outside, all the chicks’ll want some.”

Cas narrows his eyes, examining Dean’s body like it’s a freaking Renaissance sculpture. Dean’s both embarrassed and proud under Cas’ scrutiny.

“Only I get to see you like this,” he declares.

“And only I get to see you naked. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?” Dean retorts, running a hand down Cas’ clothed thigh. Cas smirks at him and slides off the bed to strip, then climbs back on top of Dean and shoves his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean doesn’t even care if he chokes to death because this would be the best damn way to go, short of having Cas’ dick down his throat instead.

Hey, that’s a nice thought there.

“Cas – need more,” he grunts. He’s not entirely sure what he means by more, but Cas thankfully has a plan.

“I want you inside me,” he says against Dean’s lips. Dean’s dick is _definitely_ on board with that idea. And now Dean has a plan of his own.

“If I make you come, do you still want me to fuck you?” he says, heart hammering in anticipation. Cas looks at him like he’s just said that the sky is blue.

“My refractory period is close to nothing, Dean. I _am_ an angel. What do you have in mind?”

In response, Dean rolls to the side and rummages around in his bedside table for his bottle of lube and a box of condoms. As soon as he fishes the condoms out, Cas leans over to pluck them from his hand, then drops them back in the drawer.

“We don’t need them if you’re worried about sexually transmittable diseases. I can’t catch or transmit anything.”

“Well, look at you, Mr Sex Guru,” Dean quips as he slides the drawer shut. In response, Cas slaps his ass – not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to make him jump.

“Well, look at that,” Cas says mockingly as beads of precome leak from Dean’s dick as a result of the slap. He gives Dean’s ass another slap, and Dean whimpers and ruts into the sheets beneath him. “Hmm. Another time, maybe.”

Then he’s rolling Dean onto his back and straddling him again, eyes wide and blown, and the sight of this horny angel is one of the most beautiful things Dean’s ever seen in his life.

“Man, I’m so glad you got out of the damn way,” Dean says, smoothing his hands down Cas’ thighs. Cas smiles and leans down to kiss him.

“So am I, Dean. Now, what is your plan?”

“Budge up.” Dean guides Cas further up his body, until the angel’s sitting on his chest with his hands braced on the headboard and his dick is bumping against Dean’s mouth. Dean smirks up at Cas, who realises what’s about to happen a split second before it does and gives a long, low moan when Dean takes his dick into his mouth. They stay like that for a moment; Cas gripping the headboard with white knuckles, wide eyes staring at where the head of his dick is resting in Dean’s mouth, and Dean takes advantage of this lull to lube up his fingers and trail one hand down the cleft of Cas’ ass.

“Dean,” Cas gasps, rocking back into Dean’s hand. His dick slides out of Dean’s mouth.

“Fuck my mouth, Cas,” Dean demands. Cas inhales sharply, then nods and shuffles further forward so that Dean can take even more of his dick in, and Dean moans when Cas’ dick hits the back of his throat. Then begins a rather overwhelming rhythm for Cas: thrust forward, fucking Dean’s mouth with his dick, then fuck back onto Dean’s finger, which soon becomes several fingers.

“Dean – oh – Dean, your mouth –” Cas whines, lost in his rhythm. Dean just chuckles around the dick sliding back and forth in his mouth, and now that he has three fingers inside Cas, he begins his mission of giving Cas one hell of an orgasm. First off, find the prostate. That’s simple enough; he just curls his fingers a certain way, brushing them over a small bundle of nerves, and Cas chokes on his breath and thrusts forward particularly hard.

Yeah, Dean’s now choking on dick, but oh god, what a way to go.

“ _Dean_!” Cas shouts when Dean jabs at his prostate again. One more time and Cas is then seizing up, crying out at the ceiling and spilling down Dean’s throat. Dean’s almost disappointed that he can’t taste Cas, but that’s soon remedied when Cas shuffles back down Dean’s body and his dick leaves smears of come on Dean’s tongue and lips as it slides out of his mouth.

“Jesus Christ, you’re the sexiest fucking thing alive,” Dean rasps, licking his stained lips. Cas’ come is salty and not the tastiest thing in the world, but he’d swallow it all day purely because it’s part of Cas.

Well, nice knowing you, closet. It was only Dean’s home for most of his life, but there’s no way he’s going back in there now. Sucking dick is _awesome_. Getting face-fucked is even better.

“You ready for round two?” he says hoarsely as he slicks up his own dick, groaning softly at finally getting some action.

“I might die from pleasure if that’s what round one feels like,” is Cas’ response, but he’s still smiling dopily as he lines himself up with Dean’s dick. Man, orgasms are a hell of a drug. Dean grins.

“That’s the spirit,” he says cheerfully. “You’re finally gettin’ the hang of human humour. Now, go slow.”

Cas rolls his eyes before promptly ignoring Dean’s instructions and spearing himself on Dean’s dick. Dean’s pretty sure that his heart and lungs have exploded.

“Oh my god,” he chokes.

“I should hope not,” Cas says, shifting his hips to fully seat himself. Dean has to close his eyes and count to ten, or this’d be over before it even begins; especially since Cas is hard again. Thank Chuck for freaking angel mojo. “I don’t particularly want to think about my father when I’m in bed with you.”

In that moment, Dean’s hit with such a strong wave of love for this angel that he can’t even breathe. God, he loves Cas so much, and he’s been trying to forget just how close Cas came to dying today, but now his brain’s deciding to helpfully provide him with ‘what if’ images of Cas actually being stabbed and dying, and he can’t take it. Even though he’s inside Cas, it’s not freaking close enough. He has to be _closer_.

Just as Cas is about to move, Dean murmurs, “Wait.” Cas pauses and frowns at him, but his face clears when Dean struggles to sit up, and he reaches behind Dean to helpfully stack pillows for Dean to lean against. In this new position, Dean can wrap his arms around Cas, and he crushes his angel to his chest and buries his face in Cas’ shoulder.

“Dean? What’s wrong?”

Dean shakes his head, clinging to Cas harder. He so doesn’t cry during sex. No way is he gonna break down while inside Cas. After a moment of silence, Cas pulls back and cups Dean’s face, lifting it so that he can look Dean in the eyes.

“Dean, talk to me. Don’t start shutting yourself off again.”

It’s Cas’ bright blue eyes that finally wear him down, and he lets out an ugly sob and once again buries his face in Cas’ shoulder.

“You – you,” he croaks. “Cas, you nearly – if you hadn’t moved – you nearly _died_!”

“But I didn’t,” Cas says soothingly, tracing patterns on the back of Dean’s neck. “I’m alive, Dean. Focus on that, not how I nearly died. You saved me by warning me to move.”

Dean sobs again, digging his fingers into Cas’ shoulder blades. He’s still keenly aware of Cas’ tight heat around his cock, but that sensation is largely diminished in comparison to the emotional upheaval he’s currently going through. He’s never really allowed himself to grieve for Cas when the angel _had_ died, and now he was faced with the prospect of losing Cas again – most likely for good, since Chuck made it pretty clear that he was fucking off for good – and it’s absolutely crushing him.

“I love you,” he whispers into Cas’ skin. “God, I love you so much. I’m sorry I never told you before.”

Cas just hums softly, pressing kisses into Dean’s hair while Dean cries and dampens his shoulder with tears.

“You don’t need to apologise, Dean. Not for that. I knew that it would take time for you to fully process your emotions.”

They sit there for a little while longer, locked in a tight embrace as Cas brings Dean back down from his meltdown. Once he finally stops crying, Dean laughs thickly and wipes his nose.

“I’m a fucking chick, man,” he sniffles. “Look at me.”

“You’re dealing with decades of emotional repression,” Cas says matter-of-factly. “I won’t judge you for having what you deem a ‘chick flick moment’, even if women are still strong despite displaying their emotions.”

“I assure you, I don’t generally cry during sex,” Dean says, snagging a tissue off his bedside table to dry his face. Cas raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll take your word for it. Are you okay if I move now?”

Dean nods and braces himself. But, in a sharp contrast to the rough pounding he’d been expecting as a follow-up from their making out, Cas is gentle as he rises and falls on Dean’s dick, and Dean’s breath hitches in his chest,

Oh, fuck. Cas is _making love_ to him. He should have about a million issues with this, but they all fly out the window when he realises that this is just what he needs right now. He needs to feel loved, to savour Cas, instead of trying to come hard and fast.

“Faster,” he grunts, because this pace is nice but not really suitable for actually getting off. Cas kisses him on the forehead, then on the lips, and he keeps their mouths attached as he increases the pace while still keeping it deep and loving. It’s more than Dean can handle. He’s never made love in his entire life, not even with the one other person he was genuinely in love with, and it’s painful to allow himself to be loved like this, but it’s also exactly what he needs.

When he finally does come, it’s not in the throes of passion as Cas fucks him hard and fast and takes, takes, takes. Instead, it’s slow and tender and loving, and Cas gives, gives, gives Dean his whole soul, and Dean accepts it as his vision whites out and he empties himself inside Cas, marking the angel as his. He accepts it as a kiss, and he accepts it as an embrace, and he accepts it as the whispers of, “I love you, Dean – I love you so much – you’re beautiful and perfect.”

It's by far the most emotional orgasm he’s ever had, and he slumps in Cas’ arms when it’s over. But then his flaccid dick slips out of Cas, and he realises that Cas still hasn’t come – whether it’s just timing or Cas holding himself back with angel mojo, he has no idea – so he reaches down to jerk Cas off when instead, he’s struck with another idea.

“Dean?” Cas frowns as Dean grabs the bottle of lube and presses it into his hand. “What –?”

“I need you,” is all Dean says, reaching behind him to shove away some of the pillows so that he can lie back on the bed. It’s true. As amazing as it had been to come in Cas, he needs Cas to fill him up, to reassure him that the angel’s not going anywhere…to take a piece of Dean that’s never been offered to anybody. Cas seems to get it, because he bends down to kiss Dean sweetly and then lubes up his fingers to prep Dean.

“So,” Dean says, his breath hitching as a finger slides inside him to the knuckle. “Just timing? Or did you hold back?”

Cas ducks his head and laughs.

“I was actually trying to contain my orgasm until you had yours,” he says, inserting another finger and scissoring. “I can display some degree of control over this aspect of my body, but it’s harder to concentrate the closer I approach orgasm. Now that you’re not inside me, it’s far easier to control my bodily reactions. You’re a rather effective distraction, Dean.”

“Fuckin’ angel,” Dean pretends to grumble. He yelps when Cas crooks his fingers and brushes them across a spot that sends lightning jolting through his very core, and nervous excitement fills him. He’s never been fucked before. Even back when he did what he needed to feed Sam, that was the one thing he’d never do – and thankfully, most of his partners had been cool with that. He’d just walked out on the douchey ones. He had to have _some_ self-dignity, after all.

Before he can think about what he’s doing, he’s spilling to Cas, telling the angel all about his dirty teen years – why, he’s not sure, but he suspects that it’s part of his newly demolished emotional wall, plus the fact that it’s _Cas_. He’d never dream of confessing to Sam all the things he’d done to keep food in the kid’s belly, and clothes on his back, and a smile on his face. Cas doesn’t stop opening him up, but his face grows softer as he listens to Dean’s mumbled words, and he leans down to kiss Dean once Dean’s finished talking.

“You did what you had to, Dean,” he says firmly. “There’s no shame in that. It doesn’t change my opinion of you, and I love you no matter what. You’ve never done this before, have you?”

Dean shakes his head mutely, hissing when the three fingers inside him strike his prostate again. He’d known that Cas wouldn’t judge him, but it’s still a relief to have it confirmed to his face.

“Then I promise to cherish this gift. I know it can’t be easy, letting yourself be vulnerable like this, and I promise that I will treasure it.”

Dean squints suspiciously at Cas. Is he talking about the chick flick moments or getting to fuck Dean? It’s impossible to tell with this damn guy.

Before long, Cas withdraws his fingers and lubes his cock up. Dean holds his breath as Cas begins to breach him, expecting there to be some pain…but there’s none. There’s only the sensation of being stretched and filled, and the breath is punched out of him in a gasp when Cas groans long and low.

“You’re perfect, Dean,” the angel sighs when he bottoms out. Dean just clenches his fists in the sheets under him, unsure of whether or not he likes being laid bare like this – sure, the physical feeling of Cas inside him is nice, but he’s so raw and vulnerable and he hates it. But at the same time, he loves it.

When Cas begins to move, he keeps up the same slow rhythm as before. Dean’s not expecting to come again, and he’s a little oversensitive from his orgasm to the point of discomfort, but he closes his eyes and forces himself to persist. He does need this, and not out of any twisted sense of martyrdom. He needs to give this last bit of himself to Cas, for himself as well as Cas.

Cas seems to sense his discomfort, because he slows. Dean whines when he comes to a halt.

“You don’t like this,” Cas says. Dean opens his eyes.

“Just a bit oversensitive ‘cause I came already. Keep goin’, Cas.”

“Dean, I won’t cause you any –”

“I gotta do this, okay?” Dean looks away, setting his jaw. “One thing I’ve never done, and I trust you to do it.”

“That means nothing if you don’t like it, Dean.”

“I told you, I’m just oversensitive.”

Cas frowns at him, then rests two fingers on his forehead, and Dean gasps when his dick springs back to life, curving up towards his stomach.

“Is that all?” Cas says. “If you truly don’t want this then I’ll stop, regardless of whether or not you feel like you need to do this.”

Dean closes his eyes and groans softly. Now that he’s not painfully oversensitive and he’s back to hard arousal, having Cas in him feels a lot better.

“Move and see,” he says. In response, Cas gives a tentative thrust and sparks shoot through Dean, making him gasp and arch his back.

“Dean?”

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Dean says breathily.

“Are you sure?”

“Dude, just move!”

“No,” Cas says firmly. Dean opens his eyes and scowls up at him. “I want to be completely sure that this is what you want. I don’t want you to do this out of any sense of obligation.”

“Just my emotional issues, man,” Dean says irritably. “I need this. For me as well as you. Read my mind if you gotta.”

Cas stares at him for a long moment. Just as Dean’s getting ready to punch him, he lowers himself down so that his body is resting on Dean’s, then presses a kiss to Dean’s lips.

“The minute you have even the slightest issue, tell me,” he orders.

“Cas –”

“That’s not negotiable, Dean. Otherwise, I’m pulling out.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

Cas kisses him again and then starts to move. Take two is way better than take one, and heat courses through Dean’s body as he moans and gasps and rocks back against Cas’ thrusts, while Cas grunts and fucks him slow but deep.

“Oh, god,” Dean pants. “Is this how you –”

“It feels amazing, doesn’t it?” Cas says with a soft smile, still pumping his hips. “Not just the physical sensations, but the intimacy.”

Dean whines in agreement and wraps his legs around Cas’ waist. He’s rapidly approaching his second orgasm of the night and it’s driving him crazy, feeling Cas slide in and out of him, while all he can do is dig his fingers into Cas’ biceps and just go along for the ride.

It’s not long before Cas finally locks up and comes with a soft cry, spilling deep inside Dean, who moans and reaches down to finish himself off. But he only gets a few strokes in before Cas is batting his hand away and pumping him, and probably only ten seconds pass before Dean comes for the second time.

The aftermath is full of panting as they slump together, trembling limbs tangled together. It takes a little while before Dean realises that the come in his ass and on his belly is gone, obviously thanks to Cas’ mojo, and he grunts appreciatively and tugs Cas a little further up so that he can wrap his arms around him properly.

“Was that enjoyable, Dean?” Cas asks. Dean groans, his eyes fluttering shut. Cas is the only one he’s ever been able to trust to allow himself to be that vulnerable with, and the payoff is amazing: he’s never felt so loved in his life. Well, it’s not like Sam hasn’t ever made him feel loved, but he’d be super concerned and really grossed out if it had been this sort of love, because that’s just nasty. He’s weak around Cas in a way that’s totally different to his weakness around Sam – but it’s also exactly the same, and he doesn’t know how to describe it.

“Yeah,” Dean slurs. “Just what I needed.”

When fingers start to stroke his back, he opens his eyes and realises with mild surprise that Cas has somehow turned the tables and stuck Dean in the chick’s position. But he really doesn’t care. Not if it means that he gets to rest his head on Cas’ chest and get angel cuddles.

Cuddles. Man, he’s really out of it if he’s using that word.

“God, I love you,” he mumbles, a thrill coursing through him at using that word. It’s getting easier and easier to say it, and he’s always rewarded for saying it with a hot buzz. Maybe it’s not so bad, being such a chick.

“That took you long enough,” Cas teases, carding his other hand through Dean’s hair. Dean makes a sound that he’ll deny to his (last) dying day is a purr and starts to trace shapes on Cas’ chest, occasionally brushing over his left nipple.

“Shut the fuck up,” Dean says, though with no heat in his words. “Quit nearly dyin’ on me. You’re gonna give me a heart attack before I’m fifty.”

“I think that may be all of the greasy food you eat.”

“Fuck you.”

Cas chuckles and leans down to kiss the top of Dean’s head. This is probably the best afterglow that Dean’s ever had; probably because he actually gets to cuddle with the guy he’s head over heels for, instead of trying to maintain enough of a distance that it’s not intimate but still be considerate and take care of his partner afterwards. Even with Cassie, there’d been that big emotional barrier between them that Dean had put up, but that’s totally destroyed with Cas.

“What now?” Dean says. “Heaven and Hell are gonna be after Jack’s ass, and Hell’s probably gone to shit now that Crowley _and_ Lucifer are gone. And the Brits aren’t just gonna sit around and let us get away with killing their agents over here.”

“We’ll deal with all of that,” Cas says firmly. “Together. I won’t leave you again like I’ve been doing. Anyway, with Crowley gone, I have no more allies. No other angels will tolerate me, and any demons would sooner kill me on sight than hear me out.”

“Some ally,” Dean snorts, but then he immediately feels guilty because Crowley _had_ been a good, if slippery, ally. And he _had_ kinda sacrificed his life for them.

“Just promise me that you’ll also be careful, Dean,” Cas says, arms tightening around Dean. “You have no shortage of enemies either, and I’m not sure if I can bring you back if you die again. I don’t think that the other reapers will allow you to escape your fate in the Empty.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Dean grumbles, but he snuggles closer to Cas all the same. “Now shuddup and enjoy the damn moment. No way am I cuddlin’ you around Sammy and Jack.”

The sound of Cas’ laughter is music to Dean’s ears as he drifts off, safe in Cas’ embrace.

“I’ll watch over you,” is the last thing he hears. His lips twitch sleepily. Yeah, Cas’ll always watch over him. And he’s always gonna have Cas’ back too.


End file.
